Music: Sin - Nine Incgh Nails
Koisuru for the day: Nine Inch Nails' music

UPDATE!

It’s July and it’s been raining since 4 a.m. I was awake since that hour due to my recent practice of early bed time and waking up early in the wee hours of the morning to proceed to my activities. Yesterday was crap. Though I got a 49/50 in the practical demo in Health Care, I sucked at the reporting at lecture. JEEEEZUUUUS I don’t know how to fucking report anymore. My words were slurred, I got nervous easily, I couldn’t explain it well, and I was in an absolute daze. It sucked. It’s a fucking insult if you’ve got a thing for decent oral delivery like me especially in reporting. UGH. And the surprise quiz! GAAAAH. I didn’t pass that. It was embarrassing! I don’t think my doodle on the model of the atomistic and holistic approach would salvage me from the failure that I am. And I couldn’t manage to cheat! ARGH. It fucking sucks. Yesterday was worse...

Going home helped and waking up to listen to Nine Inch Nails is good relaxation and Mr. Reznor is a lifesaver for people who lead dull lives (at the moment) and dependent on the physically numbing, mentally stimulating music, like me. (Random: “The sun is up and I’m so glad I can scream” – Robert Smith sings in place of me). I’m on a mad downloading spree for KERA scans and it just isn’t right that they don’t export any clothes from Sexpot Revenge here in the Philippines. WHY, for crap’s sake must we need to look for people to sew clothes like that for us when we can already buy them made?! I want to look like an English schoolboy with the checkers and the page boy hat. This is absolutely pretty:

I woke up early with another type of madness: hunger. I’ve never felt this hungry. Lately at school my lunch consists of Tropicana orange drink and a sandwich (filling depends: Skippy peanut butter, cheese, Vienna sausage chicken flavoured with barbecue sauce or chicken luncheon meat with Japanese mayonnaise). Usually last school year JNX and I could finish a Chowking salo-salo set B if it was just the two of us. Or we’d have extra rice and dessert and French fries at fast food chains. I can’t eat a lot lately due to the infection I have in the inner side of my mouth. It’s around the jaw area and because of that chewing hurts and the pain is unbearable. I can’t shallow decently. Because of that food isn’t chewed properly and I have to shallow it with the help of big gulps of drinks. I don’t even get to relish the taste of the sandwich and not tasting Skippy or Vienna sausage with Japanese mayo is a hurtful thing for me. The good side is that I’m able to watch my weight. I’m gaining unnecessary flab especially around the arm area. That’s why I’m quite enthusiastic about PE classes since I’m able to get the exercise I’m not getting, even though I’m not good at PE and I SUCK.

I had a small breakfast: rice topped with macaroni and corned beef. Vitamins. Cold water.

It’s still raining. I’m contemplating whether I’d go to Fully Book Serendra and do the book shopping I have planned. I planned to do a lot of things today so I won’t get bored. So far the morning isn’t boring: NIN, some the Cure, little Dandy Warhols and Trainspotting (I fucking love this movie) and here’s one of my favourite scenes from the movie (Ewan McGregor was so hot and so is his accent).

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: (narrating) I wished that I'd gone down instead of Spud. Here I was surrounded by my family and my so-called mates and I've never felt so alone. Never in all my puff. Since I was on remand, they've had me on this program, this state sponsored addiction. Three sickly sweet doses of methadone a day instead of smack. But it's never enough. And at the moment it's nowhere near enough. I took all three this morning and now I've got eighteen hours to go until my next shot. I've got sweat on my back like a layer of frost. I need to visit the Mother Superior for one hit. One final hit to get us over this long, hard day.
~talking to Swanney 'Mother Superior'~
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What's on the menu this evening, Sir?
Swanney: Your favorite dish.
Rent-boy: Excellent
Swanney: Your usual table, Sir
. Rent-boy: Oh, why thank you.
Swanney: Would Sir care to pay for his bill in advance?
Rent-boy: No. Stick it on my tab.
Swanney: Ah, regret to inform, sir, credit limit was reached and breached quite some time ago.
Rent-boy: Oh, well in that case... [hands him some cash]
Swanney: Ah, hard currency. Thank you, Sir. Can't be too careful these days. Would Sir care for a starter of some garlic bread perhaps?
Rent-boy: No, thank you. I will proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please.

I believe this is Ewan McGregor’s best. Good luck to him and I wish him well. His accent has been... Americanized though. I liked it when it was... pure.

I miss JNX and the rest of the Happy Australians. It's so hard honestly :D

Music: Dito Tayo sa Dilim - pedicab
Koisuru for the day: JONO!

Things I love in the early morning:

My amusement brought by Shintaro Kago in the morning. Here are some of the pages of his comics. Try to look for Punctures and Springs. I effing LOLed!

Looking at Suehiro Maruo art. Here is the link for my favourite comic of his: Poison Strawberry :]

Listening to GLAY (The Frustrated album specifically) because I’m a melancholy whore and they are one of my first loves in Japanese music. And because I miss Jiro and knowing I’m still arguing with myself about being happy if he had his own baby or he’s enough of a baby for his *coughs* wife *sob*

Iced coffee

And because I was a melancholy whore last night until today, it’s going to be a good day. I apparently already released my frustrations.

You are my Kaname to my Yuuki.
Annoyingly, you may also be my Zero to Yuuki.
In much more painful, slightly exact terms you are my Kaname to my Ruka.
You are the owner of that shirt that Maaya Sakamoto sang about in “T-Shirt”
You are my “kimochi”s and the fading dream sequence...
You are the song “Starlight” and to me “Hysteria” was written about you.
You are the soft plucking of the guitars.
You are my BLUE pen...
You are the soft light coming through the window panes at the high school corridors during late afternoons—
You are...

I’m such a dramatic piece of – Anyway Good morning, have a pleasant day guys. I’m off to shop laterrrr.

Music: Invincible (Live from Wembley) - MUSE
Koisuru for the day: MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE!

OMEHFACKINGAAAAADDDDSSHIIIIT~ HAARP IS THE MOST WICKED LIVE I’VE SEEN EVER~!

This is serious people. I’ve never been so... enraptured by THAT concert. It’s freakishly orgasmic-inducing. I just don’t know but loving MUSE and their music is just some awesome cosmic thing that I’m experiencing right now and it makes me so damn glad I’m living in the same generation that experiences music such as theirs. JNX (my friend) and I nearly went frantic over the opening up until the end. After watching 1 and a half hour of it we were so ... BITIN and TIRED as if we ran in some marathon. I was supposed to take pictures of our HAARP day yesterday but I completely forgot about it. I don’t know for other MUSE fans but there was a definite spasmodic effect listening and watching them perform. I think even the 3 members were also caught up in the intoxicating riffs, beats and phenomenal instrument playing since they were giving... uh... weird expressions. AHAHA. And I absolutely loved every version of the song in both the CD and the DVD. Stockholm Syndrome just sounds awesome in every time they perform it live since Matt tweaks a little of the melody and makes it more intense or more wicked in some musical way I can’t fully explain. And looking at the lucky people being able to see EVERYTHING in action LIVE is so frustrating. I want to be part of that crowd that gathers and almost makes out due to the music (srsly, the DVd showed the crowd gathering up together and smiling and so damn happy at the start of the beat of SBH). We cried. AHAHA. We srsly did. There was an instant moment that JNX and I actually felt that we were there. Freaking awesome.

I’m so damn glad that I asked for HAARP. I already wrote a full review about it on my journal so this one’s going to be just a... summarized rave moment. I’m just so fucking happy MUSE exists. I love them so, so much XD

Music: Love Me After 12 am - M.flo feat. Alex
Koisuru for the day: Adrian Brody & Louis Garrel

OHYEAH~ :3 I love this French man~

I love Adrian Brody :3 The recent set of these photographs are funny though. But I have to admit I'm quite jealous of Sharon Stone for that much contact with Mr. Brody

I love his expression here XD oh adrian~

Breakfast for my eyes. Have a great day to everyone and today seems to go well for me.

Music: Spica - Maaya Sakamoto
Koisuru for the day: STFN (blast you, breathing human, blast you)

Stop and breathe for a while. Wallow in melancholic music, in the sugar laced voice she has and she speaks of my love in a foreign tongue. I understand, even for a little and the melody reverberate the message. “DAKISHIMETE” she sings. I want to the strangers you come across the streets, the ones you pass by and take a good look at your face. I want to be those who come against your shoulders in the train. I want to be whatever you are holding, just to be close... Bliss. For you, who plagues me:

"I am dying
because you have not
died for me
and the world
still loves you.
I write this because I know
that your kisses
are born blind
on the songs that touch you.
I don't want a purpose
in your life
I want to be lost among
your thoughts
the way you listen to New York City
when you fall asleep."
I Am Dying
-- Leonard Cohen

i have to say this or i'm going to explode: imissyousoFCKNGmuch. what have you done to me? can you tell i'm desperate? i need to see you. argh! argh! i'm going crazy, stfn it's been years and still-! why did i just have to like you?! & you're gone and i need to see you! you just have to say my name again so i can calm down and i could go away. so this would go away~

GAH. Why do dreams torture me?

Music: This Boy - Franz Ferdinand
Koisuru for the day: Alex Turner

DVDs are my companions for this summer. How productive! But seriously, in a way it helps by expanding my view about the world through another’s interpretation. And it gives me things to think about during really desperately idle moments. I reviewed by DVD collection for the summer—as in watched them and now, for the lack of interesting things to talk about (today wasn’t special—trip to the mall and summer rains), let me rave about the movies I watched for this week:

Bram Stroker’s Dracula: I recall I watched it before when I was a kid and pretty much the silhouette and the image of Gary Oldman as the “older” looking Count lingered in my subconscious until know. That proves how much make-up and over all design helps make movie memorable among other things. Then during grade school I read the novel and got to watch the movie the second time, with a clearer understanding of things. Basically the novel deserved to be made into a movie. And the 1992 movie gave it justice in my opinion.

The themes of the novel were intact and the movie is indeed erotic (my DVD copy is the un-cut version) which is really the “subliminal” theme that the novel was also addressing. I love the costumes, the music, the actors (my earliest Hollywood crushes was Keanu Reeves and gods, seeing him so young!). The movie showed some cinematography that was quite good actually and it’s definitely one of my favourite movies.

Lolita (Adrian Lyne): THE NOVEL CHANGED MY LIFE. HAHA *coughs* objectively (the novel into the movie), the movie didn’t do justice on the novel! GAH~ the phasing was so fast that the supposed events (crucial ones) in the novel were like skipped, just like that! We had a preview of Humbert’s life in a blink of an eye. But looking at the movie itself and setting aside the beautiful prose that is the novel, the movie is done tastefully. I actually love the movie. Especially how the subject of Lolita’s transformation into this manipulative child seductress is handled, it was done wonderfully.

The movie regained the eroticism in the novel but downplayed the graphic (beautiful, poetic) prose into amazing short scenes in the movie where Humbert and Lolita’s affections were exchanged privately. I especially love the scene where she jumped all over Humbert and gave him a kiss on the lips before leaving camp and the rocking chair scene (it was so beautiful, hot, sexy) with the natural light and the soft focus~! As the movie progressed, I gripped on my chair watching because of anxiousness for the next events.

And OMG, Jeremy Irons is my dream Humbert. HAHA. He gives the character that affectionate, special, human touch! His portrayal of Humbert included his own “touch” for the character and he easily conveyed the “humanity” and “genuine feelings” of Humbert in the novel to the screen. It was flawless. If I were Dominique Swain that time, I could’ve fallen in love with Jeremy Irons (screw it if he’s decades older than me). I actually recorded the opening lines of the movie where he was saying it. It was gentle, not arrogant and affection as I imagined Humbert would sound like.

The only downside of the movie is the last act that shows the confrontation between Quilty and Humbert. Seeing Frank naked wasn’t necessary. It was a “messy” end to the dream-like phase of the movie. But overall, this is one of m favourite movies and it’s something I could watch all over again.

Pan’s Labyrinth: I’m keeping my DVD copy of this for my future children to watch. I love this fantasy tale and it gave me the chills watching it. Just like all fairy tales, it contains those important subtexts that everyone faces, reality or not. We can’t escape death and violence and pain, which is something that was emphasized in the film given the setting, was during the war times. I could say a million times how much I love the movie! I love the characters even the “tyrannical” father of Ofelia (he was one of the most important points in the story, the embodiment of fascism and cruelty in that world). And ahhh the make-up, the design! PERFECT! Pan—oh, I love seeing that mythical creature every time in the movie and it makes me squeal because he was like how I imagined fauns would be since reading mythology back in third grade. I love the grotesque and surreal effects of the world in the movie and the acting drew out sympathy from me to the characters they are portraying.

I was actually scared of that freaking monster, the Pale Man! What screwed up creature is that? It reeked of malevolence and it was a climactic point in the movie where he was chasing poor Ofelia. I could’ve gone hysterical, fucking hysterical if I was chased by that kid-eating beast. And is it just me or the Pale Man resembles on deity from the Cthlulu Mythos? But anyway, it’s one of the best movies that were released that year. I recommend it, it’s sure to give you thrills.

More tomorrow perhaps. I still have to share my thouhts about "Equilibrium" :3 Have a great weekend guys~

Music: Fake Tales of San Francisco - Arctic Monkeys
Koisuru for the day: Alex Turner

Music:Lolita - Martha Wainwright
Koisuru for the day: Jeremy Irons

Lookie it's my love, Asuka-chan:

You shall make me a happy girl if you give me one of these things: my multi-fandom wants
And beloved Mafoo-ness I shall not hang up on you as you explain to me this:

I care immensely, especially about your adowable accent

Music:Ukiyo Crossing - Uverworld
Koisuru for the day:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beloved boys (err—men? Especially now that Jaison turned 20) RON & JAISON~! Other than the two of them, happy birthday to Jinzo (HAHA Rocky’s dad) & Kuya Ge’s auntie. I wish you all the best things in life guys and for Jaison and Ron: there’s definitely more to come. I luff you guys both *killer hugs to both*

The party was awesome though it started really late and I arrived late as well around 3 o’clock and everyone was really expecting everyone would dig in at the food by 4 o’clock. We didn’t start eating until 7 p.m! Kuya Bern a.k.a “Bernardo Bernardo” (the friend who’s so nice, you have to name his twice) who was in charge for the catering service said he couldn’t make the orders earlier because there were other orders that got delayed. But it really didn’t matter because we got to eat scrumptious food! Everyone was basically noisy even though at the same time our mouths were busy taking in all the food. The carbonara was to die for (lover said it was worth the wait even though she’ll get scolded by her parents for going home later than promised).

All throughout the night, my hair stunk of hair spray! This was my birthday gift to Ron who has been bugging me to act and look more like a “girl” since (yes, even I’m aware of this) I’ve been too much of a... ruffian (?!) to be considered a err... “traditional female”. Being “behind” the feminine revolution of the female sex is no big deal but it’s definitely good to get dressed up once in a while with frills. I wore a damn skirt (I don’t wear skirts casually if you must know except when it’s my school uniform) or rather it’s a baby doll dress and some corsets and some striped socks. Laine (my “little girl” lover who btw looks amazing with her new dyed hair that made me go crazy *my inner moe syndrome*) fixed my hair up for me and put some curls! Basically today I was her “doll” creation. She was exhilarated seeing me, her “finished product” and teasing her as my “Goshujin-sama” (master) didn’t do any good because she feels “ecchi” *insert my evil smirks here* She suffers so easily and it’s so cute!

I termed myself as a “sacrificial offering” and I was suddenly embarrassed realizing my friends (everyone was there! Ron, Jaison, Jorrence, Vincent, Alec, Kuya Ge, Kuya Rav, Michael Sebs & his girl, Mikeru, Rina, Patty, Laine, Kim, Edsel, Kuya Sonny & his girl, Sean K, Kuya Bern!) are facing me looking like that. But it was basically cool and everyone liked it (shall not further elaborate due to blackmail material against them XD). There was an awesome impromptu disco (due to awesome Bossing Vincent’s sounds) and we just hit the lights and made the small flashlights rotate and danced crazy and that was where things got interesting. We were probably the noisiest house in the street and we were even noisier than the bunch of drunkards!

Yaoi anyone? Male hip-to-hip grinding? Yuri? Kisses in the dark? Dance floor madness! (Shall stop here due to elaborate and serious compromising data & blackmail) I so love my friends! They make me shudder~! *Insert guy’s name here* kissed *insert guy’s name here*~GWAHAHAHA~ I love them so (among other reasons though at the end of the day some guy turned out to be traumatized). Today was memorable and shall enjoy telling my kids about this. More parties like this are in stored soon and the problem is, my 18th birthday party is next. HAX~! Wait, Ravage-niisan comes first, right?

Oh yeah. Ravage his place.

++++++

Aside from the craziness of today’s events, I’m once again stuck in a state of suspension in this inevitable, creeping space of... idleness (my greatest enemy). I watched “Whisper of the Heart” a while ago and being like this in this state that’s obviously a downfall (and a disappointment if you attribute my “goals” to Herr STFN) and I hate it. I used to be like Shizuku with definite goals like reading 20 books this summer. I only had to read five and so far I finished only 3 of them—my reading speed has decreased (GAH). There’s suddenly a lot in my head right now and the anxiety is fighting with the “happy thoughts” of today. Again, I’m slowly giving in but not completely. Comparing myself to the past, I’m in a wrong side of things. I expect a lot from myself because I know what I can do. It’s just making me “SIGH” a lot wondering how it became like this. And now more than ever, ich muss STFN sehen! Ich muss seine Stimme hören mit mir sprechen! Er muss meinen namen sagen und mir “Glück erzählen”... Ich will meinen Herrn so viel sehen und ich bin verzweifelt! Watashi no tame ni: STFN ni aitai desu~!

whoo. relief from ranting.

Music: Flower - BACK ON
Koisuru for the day:

Things that Occupy Riza's Head Lately:
- Code Geass R2 (Lulu fandom is frustratingly sweet XD)
- Nabari No Ou (good grief, a break from all that Naruto ninja thing)
- Neo Angelique Abyss (OMG reverse harem! OMG impossibly beautiful men! Indentify possible shounen-ai pairs~)
- Kamen Rider Kiva (Kurenai Otoya is a damn charming bastard!)
- Kamen Rider Den-O (the remaining half)
- Air Gear manga (it's been such a long time & have to get back on my reading)
- MPD Pyscho manga (I've got a long WAAAAAAY to go and at least I'm not in despair while staring at the good old copies in Fully Booked)
- Mr. U-E who is my current fandom as well (yes this is a live human being we're talking about)
- Cleaning my room (it's already ick with all the papers, books and dust)
- new short panels from Shintaro Kago-sama
- still deciding whether to buy a Junji Ito manga she saw on Fully Booked (GAAAAAH make more movies Junji Ito-sama!)
- her HAARP DVD (I want to fuck listen to Matthew, Dom & Chris already! SHEEET)

GAAAH Fandom is difficult for me lately especially when I have not so much money~ *sniff* Anyway... now, I give the spotlight to the amazing artist Mark Powell and his beautiful works. The images belong to him and check him out at his Flickr account.

The Ideologist & the Puppeteer

The Meat orchestra

It’s amazing how he used latex, acrylic paints, clay and some assorted objects such as strings, twigs, etc to make his sculptures and dioramas. Yes, it does make you feel “ick” but it’s... I don’t know as there’s delight, disgust and awe. I’m fascinated by his vision that he manage to incorporate nightmares and grotesque in this pieces and there’s such incredible detail despite the small sizes (please see his photographs on his FLICKR so you could zoom in). They’re like scenes from a techni-colored Price horror film! HAHA. I’m inspired to make more art! I’ve been in a state of stasis then flux and the back and forth situation makes my head spin and finally empty on what to put on paper. I’m back to my grotesque ways that I’ve set aside for a while now.

Music: Take it! Sailor Uniform
Koisuru for the day:

SHINTARO KAGO~! SUTEKI SUTEKI SUTEKI~!!! New manga from Shintaro Kago-sama called: Ana, Moji, Ketsueki ga Arawareru Manga. “Normal” themed mangas tend to be boring at some point and I just need a new read to get me hyped up and gave to manic drawing doodles and (hopefully) spark up crazy ideas I could you to formulate new stuff. Shintaro Kago is a great help especially after reading “Abstractions”, which I think is awesome considering he managed to work up the story using 3D panels in the manga and going beyond that box, making use of the empty space to emphasize “metaphors” (I particularly liked the panel showing the swimming bodies of our characters in the sea of semen). Reading it makes me crack up and think of possible materials that haven’t been used to frequently in art and storylines. And look here, Kago-sama made the cover for VICE magazine and gave me ideas on using stark bright colors in drawings (I’m still struggling in watercolours):

I recently noticed the frequent use of “dark fairy tales” schemes. Before it was mainly evident in fiction (I still love my copy of Angela Carter’s “The Bloody Chamber”~ it gave me tons of inspiration). I’m not really bothered. It’s just that two years ago these things were rarely covered topics present in the internet and now, here they are. Speaking of Dark Fairy Tales, I would like to have this in my bedroom:

I would like Ms. Red to accompany my figure of Little Red Riding Hood on top of my computer. Todd McFarlane is a genius! That's grandma coming down my the stomach of the wolf.

Meet The Wizard of Oz! I fell in love with it! *dokidoki* I like dandy dressers and seeing the Wizard reminds me of one of my characters (because of the clothes). I shall name him the "Archdandy of Oz" if I get him :3 HWEE~ Victorian nobleman who’s actually a coenobite (in my personal view because when you take off the gas mask, it reveals a distorted face worthy to be Pinhead’s friends in Hellraiser)! Kyaaah~ amazing. Look for the “Twisted Land of Oz” mythology on the internet and you’d be surprise of Dorothy (other than the change of costume from Goldilocks-like to semi-nude of leather *bondagenesssss~!*).

Music:
Koisuru for the day: L

I’m feeling quite invigorated due to unexpected moments that make me smile (and knowing there’s anxiety, thrill with a tinge of embarrassment in this form of ‘entertainment’ especially now that I was discovered, unfortunately...). Another is that I’m feeling lazy, because it’s summer but there is a need to read and be a geek about anime, Perrault symbolism and review of the whole Lovecraft mythos (I’m almost done) and tutoring my younger brothers in English. And then there’s a feeling of discontent that I want more out of the tedium of everyday lately. And then I feel dread knowing I’m almost 18 years of age and almost a second year university student (actually I’m supposed to be third year but since I shifted a course—the rest is history).

And I hate how the inspiration is there, you could almost grasp it and then whither away before you do touch it. My art is almost dead. I’m somewhat desperate. I need a random, unexpected event that could trigger everything and make me have a revolution of some sort.

Gods. I’m turning 18. I can go to jail now.